The Business Merger
by LaxusPlayer
Summary: This is the last of the "business" trilogy. Here's the story from Mikasa and Hanji's perspective, with Armin, Jean, and others thrown in for fun. Watch out for all the ships sailing here. Enjoy :)


The Business Merger

_A/N: This is the last of the "business" trilogy. Here's the story from Mikasa and Hanji's perspective, with Armin, Jean, and others thrown in for fun. Watch out for all the ships sailing here. Enjoy :)_

"Bye Mikasa! I don't wanna be late for the meeting." Eren shouted as he ran out of the door.

"Have fun on your date Eren." Armin shouted back. He had just recovered from his mental breakdown that had been triggered by watching his best friend masturbate, so he was feeling pretty good. That feeling was soon crushed when Mikasa shot him a look of pure hatred.

"_Date? Eren wouldn't date Levi. That's stupid; Eren is way too sweet for that. Besides, Eren likes girls. At least I think he does..._"

Holding that thought, she glanced over to a pile of papers on Eren's desk. One in particular caught her eye. It looked like it had been drawn by a five year old, and it looked like someone had had a muscle spasm whilst holding a crayon.

"_Yeah this is Eren's alright_," Mikasa thought, "_But what is it of?_"

Looking closely at it, she was able to pick out two figures in a love heart.

"_YES!_" Mikasa screamed internally, "_This must be who Eren loves! Look there is a heart there in the sky! Oh wow it must be me and him holding hands. I'm so happy I could die._"

The "heart" was little more than a splodge of pink, but she was right in noticing two crappily drawn stick figures holding hands.

"_That one is Eren. Aww he's cute even in this work of art! And that must be me th...wait. I don't wear that outfit. And the hair is wrong. Oh wait, there are names at the bottom here. There's Eren and this one says L-E-V-I. Oh its Levi...THE FUCK?!"_

Armin didn't know what hit him first, the deafening scream or Mikasa's fist. He'd become accustomed to becoming her personal punching bag whenever she was sad, and so he just went limp like he always did while she beat the shit out of him.

"LEVI...YOU PIECE...OF SHIT...FUCKER!" she screamed between punches, "DON'T YOU TAKE MY MAN YOU DRUGGED UP DWARF!"

"First off, Eren's not your man..."

Mikasa wheeled around to find Hanji standing in the doorway.

"SASHA WHAT THE FUCK?!" she screeched, "Oh wait, glasses. Go fuck yourself Hanji!"

Hanji smiled back at her. "Is someone having relationship problems? Do you want me to give Eren the talk yet?"

Armin laughed a little at that one, imagining Eren learning about the birds and the bees. Or in Hanji's case the titans and the huge sex toys. He still couldn't believe she'd actually spent a third of her research budget making those...

"Eren knows about that one you bitch! I already showed him with donuts and pickles." said Mikasa, not realising how idiotic showing that to a 15 year old boy was. In his defence, he did get it on the fifth time she explained it to him.

"So what's wrong then sweetie? And why was your boyfriend in such a hurry?"

Mikasa blushed. "He's not my boyfriend!" "_One day Mikasa, one day..._" "He needed to go on a business meeting with Corporal Rivalle."

Hanji inhaled sharply as all the blood drained away from her face. "Did they go alone together?" Mikasa nodded.

"Yeah it was a date he he." Armin chuckled, but was once again silenced by two resounding "Fuck you Armin!"'s followed be two punches to the gut.

Hanji straightened up. "You do realise that Eren may not survive this encounter if we aren't there right?" Mikasa nodded. "Well I guess we'll have to track those two idiots down before your boyfriend gets killed by mine."

As soon as she said that, Hanji clamped her hands over her mouth and blushed. At any other time Mikasa would have added a sarcastic comment, but at this current moment in time the love of her life was facing the one thing that scared her more than all the titans and storms combined; Levi out of his comfort zone.

"Hmm..." Mikasa thought aloud, sparing her comrade the embarrassment of answering to her relationship claims with Levi, "We will need an alibi. It's going to look weird if we just walk in there and sit next to them...oh I know! How about we get a few other people to go on dates too?! That can't be too hard right?"

Hanji, who had recovered by now, gave her a thumbs up. "You know for a meat head you can be smart sometimes. But who should we get?"

"Owwwww! Fucking bitches! Ohhhh god why?" Armin moaned.

He had been dragged around the building by Mikasa for about 20 minutes and he was sick of it. They hadn't bumped into anyone they could remotely rely on for their retarded plan and he was getting sick of it.

"You guys, fuck Eren man. He's kind of a dick anyways." he groaned. Mikasa immediately let his head fall to the floor.

"OWWW! You fucker!"

"Ooops. Sorry Armin I lost my grip." she said, smiling sweetly.

"God damned psycho ninja..." Armin mumbled, rolling over and rubbing his head. "Oh hey guys look! Its Jean and everyone." he pointed over to the end of the corridor where conveniently (for the plot) most of the guys they hung out with were there. Mikasa ran over Armin to get to them, which was incredibly cruel of her since she had to run backwards to perform that task. This earned her yet another chorus of "FUCKING BITCH!" from a battered and bruised Armin, who yet again was considering giving up on life.

"GUYS HEY!" Mikasa called, and they turned round and looked in her direction.

"H-h-hi Mik-k-kasa." Jean managed to spit out, blushing over the fact that she'd came up to talk to him. Marco noticed this and elbowed him in the side winking.

"Why are you here and why should we care?" Annie coldly inquired. Effectively being a female, taller and less cold Levi, Annie did not have time to spend talking to some cray cray Asian girl unless it was important.

Mikasa stopped right in front of them and cleared her throat. "You guys; Eren and Levi are having a business meeting together."

Annie frowned. "I don't see how this is..."

"ALONE."

Everyone's eyes widened. Marco was the first to speak. "I mean I always knew Eren wasn't into girls, but Levi...oww!"

Hanji appeared behind him and slapped him around the head. Annie smirked.

"You do realise Levi's going to kill him right?"

Mikasa nodded. "That's why we're here. Hanji and I need your help."

"Me too guys!" Armin called, lying face down about twenty feet away.

"Shut up Armin!" they all said.

"But guys, I think I have internal bleeding!"

Walking over, Annie lifted his head up by his hair and punched him square in the face, breaking his nose. "Now you have external bleeding too. You going to shut up now?"

"Fluck you guise!" Armin cried, then yelped as his head was once again dropped to the ground.

"So what's the plan you two?" Reiner said, hand intertwined with Berthold's.

Hanji cleared her throat. "Well knowing Levi like I do..." Jean's mouth twitched as he held in the laughter at the mental images flooding his brain, "...he'll be at the Fuk Mi Chinese restaurant. The serve his favourite food and drinks there. The plan is to get as many people as possible to go there so that when Levi finally snaps, we can hopefully limit the casualties to two out of every five people in the restaurant."

Mikasa coughed and glared at Hanji, causing her to sigh and add, "Oh and we'll save Princess Eren too." Once again, had time not been of the essence Mikasa would have killed Hanji for that remark, but instead she just gritted her teeth and clenched her fists.

"Ok guys so we're going to do this as couples, so everyone pair up!"

Annie was the first one to say something; "Fuck this, I'm gonna watch shorty lose his shit through the window outside of the place." She then proceeded to walk away from everyone else not giving a fuck. Berthold and Reiner practically jumped into each other's arms at the chance of going out on a date, then they ran off to get changed into the appropriate attire.

"So Mikasa...who are you-"

"I'm with Hanji Jean. We need to both be there together on high alert. I'm probably the only one who can stand against Levi if he blows, and Hanji is the person who knows him best. She'll be able to read the warning signs and alert me in advance so I can start evacuating people from this apocalyptic catastrophe."

"Oh..." Jean's face fell. There was no arguing with that logic. "Maybe next time then..." he sighed, moving towards Marco who was laughing his ass off at his friends failure.

"Hey Christa, do you wanna go with me?" Connie ventured, but she was already walking to Armin's almost unconscious pulp. "Great!" he scowled, "Now I'm stuck with potato girl." He turned around to see Sasha smiling and waving at him. "Fuck my life..."

Christa looked down at Armin and smiled. "So do you want to go with me?"

"Mph mm ssdmp!" he managed to reply before giving a shaky thumbs up. This made her smile widen, and she started dragging him towards the door.

"Here we are," Hanji said, "The Fuk Mi Restaurant. Now remember the plan guys; no unnecessary actions and try not to get caught. Oh and I'd recommend you didn't get the wantons; three people have died from eating those."

Jean looked worriedly at her. "How long ago was that?!"

"Oh earlier this week. The place's death toll is on a record low." her eyes narrowed as she saw Levi through the window, "Let's try and keep it that way."

They all slowly walked in to the building while Jean muttered "But it's only Tuesday...". They received some strange looks from most of the people eating there, but luckily not from the two boys that mattered.

"Positions!" Hanji whispered a little too enthusiastically, which gained her yet another glare from Mikasa. Everyone sat down in varying places, with Hanji and Mikasa taking the seat closest to the barman and the door. Unbeknownst to them, this action had saved Eren's life, although they did feel a wave of disappointment hit them from Levi.

"Ok Hanji, what should we get?" Although the tone was hushed, Hanji could hear the nervousness in Mikasa's voice booming. Looking down, she saw her hands clamped firmly around a small knife that was attached to her belt. They were shaking.

"Hey, Stevey boy!" she called over to her favourite waiter, "We'll have whatever those idiots are having."

The barman looked at her as if she had grown a second head when she pointed to Eren and Levi. "Miss Hanji, you do realise that they are drinking absinthe right?"

Hanji laughed a little when she heard that. "_So he does like the kid a little!_" "Yeah we can handle it." she replied, winking at Mikasa. Once again she was met with cold eyes.

"Relax a little! Levi's only on absinthe. If he was serious about killing Eren he wouldn't be drinking at all."

Mikasa looked at her. "Why's that?"

"Because he'd want to remember it all perfectly." Hanji laughed, which gave her a new high score for the most glares from Mikasa she could receive in a day. Looking back at Levi and Eren, they noticed the latter scanning the room. Luckily he seemed to be too interested in what the Corporal was saying to become suspicious, but it warranted a look around at their fellow potential peacekeepers. Jean and Marco had already started tucking in to some sort of meat. "_Poor Marco._" thought Mikasa, "_If that meat is as bad as it looks, his guts are going to end up all over the place._" Moving their eyes left, they picked up Berthold kissing Reiner. Since that obviously wasn't bad enough, their hands were moving up the insides of each other's legs. Using her superhuman hearing, Mikasa managed to pick up Berthold showing Reiner "something else that's colossal". Luckily by then their drinks had arrived, giving Mikasa the opportunity to down her drink in the vein hope of escaping reality at least slightly. It was a bad mistake on her part.

"I'm impressed! Most people throw up after one of those." Hanji exclaimed, looking at the now slightly green Mikasa. She promptly took a sip and found out why. "Damn! They must have really upped the concentration for Levi. Maybe he is planning on losing it..."

At that moment they heard Eren call out to them. Whipping their heads around, they saw Levi clamp his hand over Eren's mouth and heard "gut you like a fucking fish". Mikasa stood up shaking, knife in hand and murder in her eyes.

"Woooooah woah woah! Calm down there warrior of love! He's just trying to force feed him food." Hanji quickly said, then added "That has not been poisoned.". This seemed to satisfy Mikasa, who returned to her seat, albeit rigidly and tense. She was eased somewhat, however, when the waiter walked over to their table and began talking to them.

"Sheesh Mikasa, why are you so protective over him? I mean the kid's a half titan; if shit goes down he can probably look after himself."

Mikasa stared back at her, "If there was nothing to worry about, why did you agree to come?"

Hanji smiled sheepishly. "Erm...it may be something to do with the fact that I'm pretty sure Levi cannot die. Ever. I've seen that guy just walk through like ten titans and come out the other end complaining about the mess on his jacket. Then again you probably think everyone you know is immortal too. Like nobody in your squad could possibly die..."

Just then Marco sneezed loudly, causing everyone to look at him. "Sorry guys, I think the chicken is a bit spicy. Spicy food makes me sneeze."

Returning to their conversation muttering weirdo, Hanji continued her verbal onslaught. "Anyways Mikasa why do you even like Eren so much?" Mikasa blushed slightly and gave her a warning look that read 'if you continue this, you will not live to see winter'. Hanji being the oblivious idiot she is continued.

"He's not that good looking, he has major childhood issues and everything is "I MUST KILL THE TITANS!". The kid doesn't even notice the fact that you're hot! I mean look at you!"

Hanji almost made the mistake of pointing to Mikasa with her finger, but stopped mid-point as she noticed her removing one of her knives from the utility belt on her waist.

"You have a cute face, great curves and dat ass! Do she have a booty? She doooo!"

Mikasa by this point was beginning to see why Levi had told Eren to not make eye contact. Oh she had heard what they said, just she didn't want to hurt Hanji's feelings. Now she was wanting to hurt a lot more than that. Dazing off into her imagination, she failed to hear how Levi and Eren's conversation had drifted to her, which was probably for the best. Hanji of course was still talking.

"I mean what about that Jean guy? He clearly knows the score. I mean look at him! He's not stopped looking over here the entire time we've been in this shit hole. It's like fucking clockwork! Bam, there he goes again. Oh wait I think he heard me..."

Jean did in fact hear her, and proceeded to throw a bread roll right at her head.

"At least you've found your other half man," Marco said sadly, "I've been looking all over the place for mine." (_A/N Sorry people, I really can't stop the puns. It's a problem_)

Luckily for Hanji the bread roll was fairly soft, so it didn't hurt her at all when it bounced off the side of her head. Looking back over to Levi and Eren, she noticed Levi had stopped flailing around like an idiot. "_Pixis must be close by..._" she mentally noted, then gasped when she saw Eren making his way over to the bar. "_Levi must be really hammered if he's ordering...oh god he's gone._" Her eyes following Eren back to his seat, she then turned round to find that Mikasa was looking straight at her. Hanji smiled nervously.

"Hanji, you are the most annoying, stupid, obsessive and downright obnoxious person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. In future I think I'll sit with someone I don't mind talking to, such as Jean."

At that exact moment Jean's life had reached an all-time high. Of course he had not been listening in on their conversation at all, and the following air pound and fist bump with Marco was completely unrelated.

Hanji glared at Mikasa. "Well at least I don't chase after some spoiled brat that doesn't notice me. The only reason he's worth giving a damn is because of his transformation."

As the two had a glaring laser battle (yeah that's a thing now), Eren stood up and began dragging Levi out of the restaurant. He waved at the two and smiled, but aside from a brief smile back they continued their glaring duel. Once he left the building with Armin (who had arrived 5 minutes earlier looking very happy for a change) the disaster squad disbanded, each going their separate ways. This would never be spoken of again, and all accusations would be denied. The apocalypse had indeed been cancelled.

_A/N Sorry this took a while but I got distracted by Borderlands 2 and Dinosaurs. This one is the last in the Business Trilogy, but if you guys want more AoT fics or any fics just let me know and I'll get round to writing them eventually. Any suggestions you can put in reviews or whatever. Mail it by owl if you like, although I doubt you know my address so that seems improbably (that said, if someone does manage that I'll be impressed). Hope you all enjoyed this series as much as I have._


End file.
